Actual Product Warnings

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sear’s hair dryer:

  • (Gee that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)
  • “Do not use while sleeping.”

On a bag of Fritos:

  • (The shoplifter special)
  • “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”

On a bar of Dial soap:

  • (And that would be how … ?)
  • “Directions: Use like regular soap.”

On some Swanson frozen dinners:

  • (But its “just” a suggestion)
  • “Serving suggestion: Defrost.”

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):

  • (Too late!)
  • “Do not turn upside down.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

  • (As night follows day …)
  • “Product will be hot after heating.”

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

  • (But wouldn’t this save me more time?)
  • “Do not iron clothes on body.”

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine:

  • (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of all those accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds out of those cars.)
  • “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”

On Nytol Sleep Aid:

  • (One would hope.)
  • “Warning: May cause drowsiness.”

On most brands of Christmas lights:

  • (As opposed to what?)
  • “For indoor or outdoor use only.”

On a Japanese food processor:

  • (I gotta admit, I’m curious.)
  • “Not to be used for the other use.”

On Sainsbury’s peanuts:

  • (Talk about a news flash.)
  • “Warning: contains nuts.”

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

  • (Step 3: Fly United.)
  • “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”

On a child’s superman costume:

  • (I don’t blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)
  • “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”

On a Swedish chainsaw:

  • (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My God!)
  • “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.”

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