Category: Email Wasteland

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Puns Intended

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out...

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Staff Christmas Party

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 01, 2004 RE: Christmas Party I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at...

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Wife Support E-Mail

Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources....

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Sever Late-Aged Personnel (SLAP)

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early...

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Special High Intensity Training

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of Special High Intensity Training (SHIT)....

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Very Simple Rules About Men

I keep getting these email’s about how women are smarter, women are superior … women are stronger. I won’t bother to argue about that. But I will say, if they’re so smart why can’t...

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Pun-tastic!

Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen only one carrion allowed per passenger.” Did you hear that NASA recently put a...

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Actual Product Warnings

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On a Sear’s hair dryer: (Gee that’s the only time I...

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Noah in Canada

The Lord came to Noah in Canada in 2001… Same story: Earth was wicked, Noah was to rebuild the ark and save two of every living thing, along with a few good humans. “Here’s...

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The Man Code

Man Secret Code of Conduct The Sacred Code of Conduct binding all men has always been unwritten … until now! Rule #6: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be...