Noah in Canada

The Lord came to Noah in Canada in 2001…

Same story: Earth was wicked, Noah was to rebuild the ark and save two of every living thing, along with a few good humans. “Here’s the blueprint,” said the Lord. “Hurry – in six months I start the unending rain.”

Six months later, the rain came down. The Lord saw Noah weeping in his yard – and no ark. “Noah,” he roared, “where is my ark?”

“Forgive me, God,” begged Noah. “Things have changed. I needed a building permit. I’ve been arguing with the inspectors about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbors claimed I violated the neighborhood zoning by building the ark in my yard. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Getting wood was a problem. There’s a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists I needed the wood to save the owls. No go.

I gathered the animals, but got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted I take more than two of each kind. Environment Canada decided I could not build the ark without filing an environmental impact statement on Your proposed flood.

I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission over how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.

The Canada Customs and Revenue Agency has seized my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take about five years to finish this ark.”

The skies cleared, the sun began to shine and a rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder.

“You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?” he asked.

“No,” said the Lord. “The government already has.”

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